


Welcome to Immortality

by KennDemon



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Character Death, Immortal Fake AH Crew, Immortals, Murder, Origins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-21 18:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7398064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KennDemon/pseuds/KennDemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The laws of nature are really vast. There’s got to be a whole bunch that humanity hasn’t even realized exist yet. That’s probably good, since there are some that should never be figured out.</p><p>The story of how a law in the fabric of nature allowed eight people to live forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Age is a Funny Concept

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to acknowledge Hollow_Eve right now. Without being able to bounce ideas off of her, and discuss literally anything, this story would not have come to be.

The laws of nature are really vast. There’s got to be a whole bunch that humanity hasn’t even realized exist yet. That’s probably good, since there are some that should never be figured out.

            “Do you ever wonder why we’re here?” Jack asked, staring out the window at the city’s twinkling lights.

            “I don’t know.” Geoff took a sip from his drink. “But it keeps me up at night.” 

* * *

 

Age was a funny concept to them.

            “I am wise beyond my years.” Gavin said, holding up his beer bottle and trying to look like he was having deep thoughts. The effect was ruined by the fact that his finger was stuck in the bottle.

            Michael laughed and punched his shoulder. “No you’re not, man.” He took a swig from his own beer bottle. “If anything, you’re stupid despite your years.”

            “That depends--” Gavin paused to give a pull at his finger. It popped out very audibly. “--on which years you’re counting.”

            Michael rolled his eyes. “You’re always going to be an idiot.”

            “Micool.” Gavin pouted, trying to look hurt. They both knew he wasn’t, because they both knew Michael was only kidding around.

            The door to the roof they were lounging on opened and Matt stepped out. He waved before adjusting his long hair against the wind. Then he sat down beside Michael.

            “Sup, Hobo Jesus.” Michael greeted him, while Gavin passed him a beer.

            “Very funny, guys.” Matt popped open the beer, but he didn’t drink just yet. He just watched the liquid through the glass.

            “Why don’t you just cut your hair?” Gavin asked. Then he got a mischievous look on his face. “We could shave it off for ya.”

            Matt shook his head. “Nah. There’s no point. It will just grow back.”

            “Yeah, but it would take at least a month.” Gavin pointed out.

            Michael nudged his friend again. “That’s like the blink of an eye for him.”

            Matt smirked, hiding it by finally taking a sip of beer.


	2. He was the Original

He was the oldest out of all of them. The original.

            Nobody really knew what his last words were, but they sure had a field day making up possibilities to inspire people. He didn’t mind much, since everything they came up with was better than what he had actually said.

            “This sucks.” He had breathed, before his eyes closed for the last time and he went limp on the cross.

            His father had been there to greet him. “You gave up your life for others.” He had said. “I’m proud of you, so I’ll give you a choice.” He held a hand out toward a golden gate behind him. “You can either spend eternity in the afterlife,” With the other hand, he gestured back down to Earth. “or you can spend it there.”

            He looked back at the Earth. He hadn’t really gotten a chance to experience it. “I’ll go back.” He said with a shrug.

            The next thing he knew, he was waking up in a cave.

            “Fuck.” He exclaimed, realizing he was trapped by a large boulder. 

* * *

 

He had fun after that, taking the name Matt and traveling around as just an average man.

            But he never aged, and eventually, he got lonely.

            “Hey, dad?” He said, looking up at the sky through the broken roof of a destroyed church. “Am I going to be alone forever?” He sighed heavily. “Everyone dies. There’s no one like me.”

            No response came in words, but Matt knew he had been heard. He felt it in the laws of nature as they were adjusted. His father had added a new law, one that Matt was pleased with.


	3. He was the Second Son of a King

He was the second son of a powerful king.

            Gavin knew that he would never succeed his father. His brother was a fit man, one who would surely live through anything the harsh world brought their way. Gavin would have to resign himself to always being the ‘spare’ that would never be needed.

            Still, he liked his life, and he was fond of his brother.

            Others were not quite as fond.

            The day came when their father passed away, and then Gavin’s brother was to be crowned king. It was funny, sitting to the side just days after saying his final goodbyes to his father, watching his brother positively glowing with life and promise.

            Just as the crown was about to touch his brother’s head for the first time, the doors swung open. An angry mob had broken in, and they came surging forward. Gavin only had time to register that they were throwing projectiles.

            “George!” He yelled, jumping in front of his brother.

            A spear someone had thrown went right through him, but his small body was enough to slow it so that it did not harm his brother.

            He fell, clutching at his chest and feeling the weapon inside him. He gasped, having just enough strength to look at his brother’s horrified face before his life ended.

* * *

 

He woke up outside a stone building, alone.

            Carefully, Gavin picked himself up. He remembered the feeling of having a spear sticking out of him, and he put a hand to his chest. He was surprised to find that, even though there was a hole in his shirt, his actual body was perfectly fine.

            There were footsteps close by, and Gavin scrabbled to his feet. He turned around and felt his jaw drop.

            Jesus was walking toward him.

            “So I’m dead.” He breathed. The word didn’t sound too bad as he said it.

            Jesus stopped. “Not quite.” He said, sounding much more casual than Gavin had expected. “You died saving someone else, so, according to the laws of nature, you get to come back.”

            He turned and pointed at something in the distance. “The place where you died is about a mile that way.” He turned back to Gavin and smiled. “Welcome to immortality.”

            “Huh.” Gavin looked where Jesus had been pointing, and then at the man himself. “Top.”


	4. If only it had been a Pomegranate

She didn’t regret anything.

            Jack stood with her head held high as she was lead to the guillotine. She didn’t move as the last of her long hair was sliced away to reveal her neck. When prompted to, she calmly positioned herself under the glinting blade.

            In the last moment before the blade dropped, she scanned the crowd.

            There, hiding under a cloak between two angry spectators, was the woman they all thought her to be.

            She smiled at the woman, knowing that, as long as she kept her face covered, she would have no trouble getting out of France.

            Jack closed her eyes, and the blade dropped.

* * *

 If only it had been a pomegranate.

            He had laughed when he first learned why it was named what it was.

            Grenade.

            It meant pomegranate. How stupid was that? We’ve got this deadly explosive, but we’re going to name it after a frustrating fruit because that’s what it looks like when it’s covered in your blood.

            Fucking stupid.

            Michael laughed to himself as he marched along in military training. Military people could be real morons sometimes. It angered him to think he was in the same class as them.

            Suddenly, the marching stopped. Ahead, of him, people were scrambling.

            “Grenade!” He heard someone shout.

            Then he saw it, lying in the dirt. The pin had been removed and everything.

            “Shit.” He breathed.

            He ran forward and jumped on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted to split this into two chapters, because I wanted each of them to have their own chapters. Unfortunately, Jack's seemed just a little too short to be its own chapter. The rest of them will all have their own.


	5. Bars were the Liveliest Places

Bars were the liveliest places he knew.

            Nobody held back once they had gotten a few drinks in them. It was a great way to find out what someone really thought, and a great way to get a few easy battle scars.

            Geoff had missed his chance to fight a war, but he still got treated like a veteran when others saw the scars on him. They didn’t know that they came from broken bottles and sharp table corners rather than shrapnel and bayonets.

            He didn’t feel bad either, since he never actually told people he had fought in the war. He just let them assume it. Besides, if he had the chance, he would totally go looking for danger.

            “You fucking asshole!” He heard someone yell. He looked up, ready to watch the fight.

            A large, heavy man who definitely had had too much to drink was staggering toward a skinny fellow a few feet away from where Geoff was sitting.

            “You’ll pay for that, fucker.” The heavy man slurred. He picked up a bottle and smashed it. Holding up a large shard threateningly, he advanced on the skinny guy.

            The heavy man swung, and the skinny one ducked. Momentum carried the heavy guy around, spinning with no control toward on lookers. He was headed straight for a woman and her friends who weren’t paying attention.

            “Dicks.” Geoff cursed, getting to his feet. Moving quickly, he got between the man and the women.

            “Be care--”

            He was cut short by the shard of glass going right through his jugular.


	6. If Only They had Been Grenades

If only they had been grenades.

            Jeremy liked market days. The air smelled like many different things, and there was always something new to take a look at. And, hey, if a few of the new things went missing and ended up in his pocket, so what?

            The latest attraction was exotic fruits. People would gather around to learn where they came from, what they tasted like, and what the supposed health benefits were from eating them.

            Fruit was okay, but Jeremy thought that some of them looked kind of funny.

            One in particular, which he saw piled high in a cart, looked kind of like a war weapon.

            “It’s a grenade.” He joked, pointing the cart out to the woman he was with.

            She frowned at him. “What is with men and their weapons?”

            Still, she walked over to take a look at the bright red fruit. As she examined them, Jeremy let his eyes wander. There were a lot of children running around, and he hoped they wouldn’t get into any trouble from the merchants.

            Just as he was thinking that, a merchant yelled at a small child. The child, scared, ran away as fast as he could. Unfortunately, the path he took brought him to colliding with the card of grenade fruits.

            The cart tipped, and the fruit started to fall.

            “Watch out!” Jeremy shouted, pushing his girlfriend out of the way.

            He tripped on one of the fruits and fell to the ground. The rest of the cart’s load spilled out on top of him, crushing him.


	7. He Should have Paid more Attention to the News

He should have paid more attention to the news.

            Something about a serial killer. Ray didn’t really care. He was of the mind that whatever happened to him, happened. Besides, what were the chances that, of all the people living in New York, he would become a victim of the masked murderer?

            It was masked, right? Not, face painted like a skull killer? Because that would make the man he saw cornering a middle aged fat dude a prime suspect.

            The guy pulled a gun.

            “Fuck.” Ray said before he could stop himself.

            The killer turned around, surprised by the sudden sound. In an instant, the gun was going off and Ray was falling to his knees, a bullet wedged in his abdomen.

            As he gasped and felt the world close in around him, he saw the middle aged man fleeing, the killer’s attention no longer on him.

            _Well, good for you._ Ray thought bitterly. _Glad he got away._


	8. One Good Deed is all it Takes

One good deed is all it takes.

            He was fairly happy with his life. At least it was exciting. There was no other reason for someone to become a killer. Nothing else was worth it.

            Ryan twirled his butterfly knife in his fingers, strolling through the alleys of Los Santos. It was a new city. Nobody knew to be on the lookout for him. As far as anyone knew, he was still wreaking havoc in Austin.

            He started whistling to himself, some show tune he had heard at a high school talent show he had ducked into to escape the cops. It was catchy, and he kind of liked it.

            As he left the alley, a little girl ran past him. He gasped, putting his knife away when he realized how close he had been to stabbing her. He might have been a monster, but he didn’t hurt kids. He had some morals, thank you very much.

            He watched the girl dart away, laughing and playing with what Ryan assumed was an imaginary friend.

            He smiled to himself, wondering if she would learn the friend wasn’t real, or if she would be lucky like him.

            “Wait.” The girl laughed, changing direction and giving chase. She started to run across the street.

            A car came screaming over the hill, probably fleeing some crime.

            “Idiot!” Ryan called, jumping into action. He was able to push the little girl to safety, but the car slammed into him, skidded, spun, and smashed him into a brick wall.

* * *

 Matt whistled at the sight in front of him.

            “I’ll just take that one away.” His father said in his ear.

            Matt held up a hand, even though there was no physical presence to stop. “Laws are laws.” He chided.

            “Yeah, but…” There was a pause, and Matt knew his father was searching for words. “He’s a killer.” He finally said.

            Matt hummed. “Isn’t fate fascinating?”

            He looked around, catching a glimpse of a body lying in an alley a few feet away. “I’d better be going.” He laughed, climbing a ladder down from the roof he was standing on. “I’ve got a new friend to meet.”


	9. They Lived

They lived extravagantly, collecting bounties off of each other whenever they needed money.

            “It’s your turn next.” Jeremy laughed, standing after coming back. Matt was standing beside him, shaking out a Polaroid he had taken of Jeremy’s dead body.

            Matt made a show of thinking. “Uh, I don’t think so.”

            “Why not?” Jeremy demanded, stretching. Coming back to life always seemed to leave him with stiff joints.

            “Because I’m older.” Matt said, half joking.

            But Jeremy paused. “Hey.” He said, suddenly serious. “I was wondering, just how old are you?”

            Matt met his eyes and adopted the same serious look.

            “What year is it?”


End file.
